2011. Looking forward.

Roman god Janus. His two faces simultaneously look back at what has been and forward to the future.

Well. 2010 was not the year I was expecting it to be. I was as happy as I have ever been in January. I was about to go on a snowboarding holiday with my girlfriend and best friends, to celebrate my 30th birthday. I had so much to look forward to, and I was utterly content. Something went a bit wrong by the summer, which I've written lots about since, so won't run through again.

It has left me looking at 2011 with more than a little trepidation however. Personal hopes and wishes are modest. And looking too far forward is a little scary.

But... I also know that at heart I'm a lazy boy. I need targets, objectives, something to aim towards, or I'll drift, do nothing and more than likely end up feeling depressed again. Exercise is vital to my mental health. I've written about it before. To start with it was just doing something, anything. Being outside, in fresh air. Being away from home, away from reminders of the reality of life. It is now more than that. Exercise is a way of confronting my demons.

Self harm?

Running away from demons?

Kicking the crap out of them, while I exhaust myself?

Addicted to endorphins?

Stripping away every normal barrier. Exhausting all my normal self-defence mechanisms, until I have no choice but to think about what I don't want to think about?

Avoiding real life?

Living life?

Primal subconscious?

Macho stupidity?

Despite knowing how good I'll feel afterwards. Despite knowing this is my medicine, I am still lazy. Inertia and the gravitational pull of the sofa or bed can be strong forces. I need some fear, and some inspiration. Fear of not finishing a race. Fear of not doing what I know I can potentially achieve. Inspiration... knowing that I might, I can be, somewhere that few people have been. That at some point the dark mornings, the pain, the "one more hill" will be all worth while. A reason to train when I'm too weak to want to do exercise for my own good.

So. I've set some targets for the next year. Some are races. Some are adventures. Some are social. All are in writing and I'll make sure I do every one, to the very best of my ability.

2011 Targets:

Races:

-Todmorden Cyclocross. Done. A nice little reminder that racing isn't just riding

-As many round of the UK Enduro Downhill Series as I can get to... fun, social "racing"

-The No Fuss Events Macavalanche. Details are a bit hazy, but I'm on the start long-list. Really don't have the skills or balls to do well, but again, will fun and a hell of an experience

-Saunders Lakeland Mountain Marathon. Will be my third SLMM, and along with the OMM, the only team race.

-3 Peaks Cyclocross race

-Nokia Coast to Coast. "Racer" category.

-Original Mountain Marathon. My 6th (including the infamous 2008 event). Missed 2010, as we couldn't be bothered travelling to Dartmoor. Hoping 2011 is more northerly.

Adventures

-A long solo challenge... maybe involving a Hebridean island or two. Will be something unique and self-supported.

-More "mountain biking". In real mountains.

Social

-Bike/bivvy/bike with mates. No weight weeny-ism. Bottles of wine and whisky.

-Ride with new friends, as well as old

-Alpine summer holiday. Probably Les Arcs. Definitely about singletrack, fun, biere, vin, fromage, pain au chocolat, sun.